I have been happily married to my wife for about 12 years. We have three beautiful kids, we love each other, and have had a beautiful marriage; I don’t want to end it, but for the last eight months we have started to get bored with each other sexually and the passion between us has virtually disappeared.
We both have talked about bringing another person into our sex life and are agreed that it could fix our boredom. Do you think that having a threesome is a good solution for boring sex as a married couple? Could that rejuvenate our sexual life?
Paul from Los Angeles, CA
Dear Paul,
I suppose that bringing a third person into your sexual life could give you a new perspective on your sexual life as a couple, and may help you to view your spouse in another light; hopefully you’ll start to appreciate each other more, but it is pretty risky.
Although you maintain that you and your wife love each other (honestly, it is pretty hard to understand that you love each other but still agree to share your spouse with another man, and in your presence, no less), there is always the chance that you (or your wife) may start to feel more attracted to this third person.
In both situations your marriage is threatened. If this is your true intention, you won’t save your sexual life and marriage from boredom or lack of passion by having a threesome. On the contrary, you may risk losing it altogether. How far do you want to go in order to have this experience? Are you ready to risk sacrificing your marriage for a sexual experience? It is up to you, my friend.
Besides the risk, this kind of sexual experience is somewhat related to the content of your marriage vows. If you and your wife have decided to change your marriage vows, then I think that it is not only your business but also it is the business of anyone you might become sexually involved with.
Personally, I don’t believe that having a threesome with my spouse would be a good solution for getting rid of monotony in sex; I am not selfless enough to agree to share the man I love, my spouse, with another woman. That would mean, in my opinion, that there is no TRUE love between me and my spouse.
There are so many ways to rejuvenate your sexual life and eliminate the monotony! The easiest way to do this is to add variety WITHIN your sex life as a couple. This variety can be understood in many ways: it may mean different sexual positions; it may mean making love at a different or unusual time of day; it could also mean making love in different places, like somewhere you have never tried before or quickly if you usually do it slowly. Always be willing to try something new! Why not put your heads together and start being creative? Sex is an expression of your LOVE; it is not only a component of good health and well-being, but also a wonderful source of fun, joy, and happiness.
However, if the two of you still wonder about having a threesome, I caution in regards to being very certain and clear that both you and your wife are determined and willing to do so. Usually, a spouse will agree to engage in a new sexual experience due to a fear of losing the partner, and sooner or later they may regret the new situation, feeling that they were pulled into it or manipulated. That, of course, would not be good for the marriage or for the children.