I have started to be very flirtatious with a guy from college. We have been hanging out more recently and are conversing intensively, although we have only known each other for a few months. As I am not sure if he is into me like I am into him, and I would like to know if he is really interested in me or it is just flirting, but he is so hard to read! For example, today during our conversation, I noticed that his pupils were dilated. I know they are not always like that because I have looked into his eyes before. I have heard that dilated pupils can be a sign of interest. What do you think?
Alice from Toronto, Canada
Dear Alice,
For sure, dilated pupils could be a sign of interest, but they can easily be a sign of a trip to the optometrist or a sign of drug use, prescribed or otherwise. Therefore, dilated pupils are a pretty ambiguous way of investigating the level of interest somebody may have for you.
How we know when somebody likes us romantically is much more dependent on personal style. It depends on how shy, bold or outgoing you are, and also on how well you tolerate ambiguity, uncertainty, even mystery. Sometimes, what makes the most sense – for the more forthright and need-to-know types – is to just up and say something such as “I’ve been wondering if we’ve gotten to be more than friends here … what do you think?”
For those who prefer to play it safe, things may remain more ambiguous – which can be more than fine. Sometimes, one doesn’t know where flirtation is going, after all.
In the end, I think it is up to you to decide how soon you need to know and how badly you need to know. Can you enjoy the eye gazing for a while longer? If yes, then go for it. Savor the ‘process’ and see what happens. However, if there are no moves made on his part, while waiting and wondering become altogether less fun, it may be worth your playing some sort of card. Ask him out to something mellow; say you would like to continue this conversation over drinks… that kind of thing.
Either way, I bet you will find out the answer sooner or later. From what you say regarding how much you two hang out and how intensively you have been conversing, I would be surprised if love isn’t “in the air” around you.